


the crown was my sentence

by Amaraenta



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Chivalry and Sacrifice and all that, Gen, Inner conflict and monologues, Part of the Invincible Zine, Right before Chapter 26: Xander, Set in Birthright, im so sorry boo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaraenta/pseuds/Amaraenta
Summary: Nohr does not need his tears or his thoughts.





	the crown was my sentence

_ The Hoshidan forces have reached the castle.  _ Those words trigger his downfall.

“You are to slay the traitor and the Hoshidan royals,” he had said. His father’s malicious laughter ricochets off the walls and rings through the hallways of Nohr, his orders spreading like poison in his head. Whether his intent was to mock him or to express his own satisfaction, Xander does not know.

His legs move without him knowing as he commands and orders his forces into position to withhold the intruders from seizing the castle. The thought is bitter as he remembers earlier days of promising his adoptive sibling a home in the castle that they now invade. Days of hopes and wishes upon the dark Nohrian skies, when the bonds of the five siblings were stronger than the steel of their blades, are now a child’s naïve memories. His hopes for a different outcome remain meaningless in the face of his duty. This war had gone on for too long to steer itself into peace without the fall of a king.

Beyond his mask of composure, Xander cannot help the myriad of emotions wringing his heart.

He feels the same anxiety he felt during the concubine wars. His father had a new woman every week and a new child every so often. Being the oldest, he was introduced to every new sibling, only for them to be dead a couple of months later. Only the strong could survive the greed of the women who wanted a title, and his siblings had to excel in order to be recognized as Garon’s child. Xander had desperately tried to keep his family from crumbling into pieces. He had acted as the pillar, helping Leo, Camilla, and Elise to stand under the power of his father as equals. Little did he know that they would leave his side as well.

The walls of the castle make him feel smaller than ever, and he abruptly stops his march towards the combat room, the ache in his chest strong enough to cloud him; what feels like hours of introspection are only a couple of minutes.  Rationalizing his anguish only brings him more pain than peace, and the circlet he bears only serves as a cruel reminder of where he must stand despite the complexity of his emotions. 

 

The anger at his siblings lies within the desperation of a child who clings on to the pieces of something broken. A tad of resentment to his position, for had he not been the crown prince, he could have disobeyed the orders of a corrupt king and write his own fate. His mind is plagued with “what ifs” that he cannot allow himself to ponder for long enough and questions that will remain unanswered.

In his introspective monologue, Xander really wonders who he fights for, what he fights for. Is he fighting for Nohr out of will or out of duty? Is he fighting for himself, or for his father’s selfish wishes? There is not any justice in the world, no god or dragon, which could justify such senseless massacre in the name of pride.

Reports of enemy advancement snap him out of his stupor long enough to realize that they all teeter on the brink of death at the hands of the Hoshidan soldiers. The fear smears thickly amongst the faces of his soldiers as they run down the aisles to withhold the castle occupation. They will be fighting someone else’s war, risking their lives in loyalty to their homeland. It is in the face of injustice that Xander remembers an idle conversation with his little sister about finding resolve in your cause and hoping it leads you to the greater good.

It is truly for Nohr and her people that he has to stand under the command of corruption, yet he is willing to risk it all. Taking out the commander of either army would guarantee the demise of either cause. It would cost either army a great amount, but it is a risk he has to make if it can alter the course of the war. A single combat will put this conflict to rest in a dignified way. For this reason, he prohibits any interference from his retainers if Iago’s forces failed to stop the invaders. One life for an entire kingdom.

Xander finds his resolve in the bitterness of fate and steadies his heart. He had learned how to become the dignified and unbreakable pillar of his nation. After all, the motherland did not need his emotions or philosophy, but his sword. Even when it breaks his very own principles and tears his family asunder, he has to bear it all for his father and raise his sword again.

He adjusts his circlet before entering the combat room and sealing his soldiers outside. The steel fits tightly against his forehead, digging in like thorns. From birth, his fate was sealed. The crown he bears is not a symbol of power, but a symbol of death. Once more, he’s to be the Crown Prince of Nohr before being a man, son or brother. He will steel his heart once more.

_ May all know that Prince Xander of Nohr sacrificed even himself for his homeland _

**Author's Note:**

> I had the opportunity to write Xander for the Invincible Zine, a zine dedicated to the Camus Archetype of Fire Emblem and somehow I always write him suffering because that's true love for your main. I enjoyed writing this a lot uwu, if you enjoyed reading it comments are much appreciated! 
> 
> Thank you so much to the Invincible Zine team for this project. If you're interested in obtaining a copy you can find more info here uwu. 20/10 recommended, a lot of effort went into this and it's an amazing book! https://twitter.com/InvincibleZine


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